Slowly getting back into the real life, one step at a time.
Feeling soooo tired everyday, i think i really need to exercise.


I should be like "whew, today has finally ended and lets rest up and get ready for tomorrow!" but instead theres this weird feeling everytime i come back from school be it from guitar or class. haizz. what could this feeling be...

3:24 AM
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눈물많은밤
I've been constructing this post since a few days ago but now that I'm finally sitting down in front of my comp at this page, I can't seem to remember what I'd wanted to say.

As some of you might have known, my popo had just passed away recently, coincidentally, on my cousin's birthday. I guess 19 November would now hold a whole new meaning for me, just like 23rd December, which is no longer just the eve eve of christmas.

Beyond the sorrow of the death of a loved one, the family of that person immediately has to deal with all the administrative matters, such as the type of funeral and all that comes with the wake. This, I feel, is too cruel on the family, who had barely came to terms with the news.

Talking about the funeral, isn't it just for the living?
Conducted just how the the living assumes that the dead would like, so that the dead is able to enjoy life after death, for the living to feel like they are doing something so that they have some sort of closure.
Actually, is there really life after death?
Because we do not know that is why we partake in such traditions so as to get a peace of mind knowing that our loved one took part in the required rituals so as to go to a better place.
To be honest, everything after death just felt like traditions and rituals.
Not that I am complaining or unhappy about taking part in these.
Its just that, it got me thinking if that is what I want after I am dead.
...I guess it really depends if there is life after death.





-------------------------------------------------------

Up till today, it still doesn't feel real that popo is really gone.
It feels like tomorrow when I go down to popo house, she would be right there, on her spot on the sofa, watching whatever is on the TV. I would say "Po" and she'd look at those plastic bags that I'm holding and ask if I bought anything for her to eat. I'll then put down those plastic bags of groceries and plop down on the floor in front of the sofa and try to figure out what she's watching on the TV. She'll then ask if I'd eaten and at this point of time, I would sometimes pretend that I haven't just because then she'd offer to give me money to go to the market downstairs to buy food or she'd offer to go down to eat with me though she can barely walk anymore.

Over the course of the past few days, whenever I am surrounded by my cousins or my friends, I would temporarily forget things, about the situation and just try to engage in their conversations as much as possible. However, whenever I am alone and my mind is allowed to wander, memories would attack me left right center and I would think about how the very nose that I was poking just a week ago whenever she fell asleep or is not paying attention to me I would no longer be able to poke and the very mouth that would chide me for being rude and 没大没小 for poking her would never speak again. Or how when I was in primary school and is walking home from school, she would always be at the corridor watching me and whenever I reach home from school in the afternoons, there would always be a bowl of macaroni soup waiting for me.

Then I would remember how in SA I would always not go back home for dinner just so I can eat with my friends. Or how as popo's Alzheimer first started I would get irritated at how she would come and ask me what day of the week it is for a few times in one day or when she would cook the same dishes consecutively for a few days (until now I am still partially anti-fish).

Basically I would start to think about all the things she did for me last time and what a bad granddaughter I'd been and then the tear ducts would go on overdrive like now. If this was a diary book, it would have been super tear stained and mucus stained lol.

老实说,我这个人超不会撒娇的,尤其是跟我很熟的人。
知道的人都知道,我从小就是先被奶奶然后婆婆带大的,只有最近才开始和父母一起三人同居。 所以比起拔拔或麻麻,我和这两位老人家最亲,只能在他们面前自由自在地撒娇, 也知道她们俩最疼的是我, 可是谁知道两位那么早就先走了,把我一个人留下。
至今我最大的遗憾就是没能趁他们还在人世的时候没能带个男朋友回去给他们看看,然后知道说,“哦,原来我们的婷婷已经是个大女孩了,我们也不用再为她操心了。”

现在我只是想说,mama 和婆婆,我会好好照顾自己和 daddy mummy 的,所以你们不要担心 and I love you.

3:18 AM
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why are tears often seen as a sign of weakness?
to be able to cry actually takes a lot more courage than one would expect.

in other news, just yesterday, i tried to take a bite of this piece of chocolate that i just took out of the refridgerator anddddd... it was so hard that my baby tooth is in an extremely dangerous state now.
on one hand, i can't wait for it to totally fall off and release me from this misery but on the other hand it probably is gonna hurt and bleed so much that i am really scared and is dreading that moment.

one friend once described me as "a person full of contradictions". at that point of time, i forgot to ask her to elaborate on her point but now i sort of get it hahaha.


2:47 AM
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does standardizing your dp really help with anything really?
is it really a way of showing compassion and support or just a convenient way of doing something without actually doing anything?

...or am I just a cynical and heartless person.

12:50 AM
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140715
Back to blogging about Korea after like 2 months! hahaha. I'm so determined to finish blogging about all dem trips but I can feel my memory slowly slipping away from me. Oh well I'll try hard to grasp onto them tightly.

Right so where did I stop...
When I came back from Busan it was Sunday and according to my instagram, the next thing that happened was me going to club with Joyce. HAHA.

Okay so anyway, I clearly remember it being a Tuesday. So I had classes and all and I can't really remember what happened for dinner or why I invited Jacob along but I met Joyce and Hazel to go to the dog cafe together......

OH OH its coming to me!! Praise the lord for FB and friends who actually bother to update FB~
Sop and I were going to check out the YG building (the only kpop fan thing that we did by ourselves hahaha) and I invited Jacob along since he likes kpop too and we went to eat at Hapjeong, where the dog cafe was.
(koped off sop's FB)

I don't have any pictures of the food but anyway Hapjeong is a cool area where like theres this whole street and the corners that the street leads to are made up of cool hipster cafes or shops or hostels. much like our Haji lane but bigger scale and more cafes than shops. (If I haven't mentioned all these already)
After dinner Sop parted ways with Jacob and I cause she wanted to either meet her friend or study at this franchise of The Twosome Place (the one endorsed by Lee MinHo a.k.a my mum's idol) that is owned by Teddy, so like the shop displays some of his stuff (instead of LMH's face maybe lol).
So anyway, Jacob and I were gonna wait for Joyce&Hazel at the exit 5 of the subway station which is right outside at the main street but guess who got lost at first and could not get out of the cafe maze?
Right after sop told us the way to go lolol.

I don't have much photos this time as compared to the last time cause
1) hazel and Joyce not as crazy about doggies
2) the cafe was quite crowded so the dogs' attentions are like here and there

Despite that, this sheep-like doggy stayed with me for a long time~~
It was so warm and it actually smells nice aww~

and the only other picture that I can find! (so cute hehe)
so at like around 10.30pm we left the dog cafe and Hazel went back first while Joyce went back to our Dorm with Jacob and I.

In typical Joyce&CT style, we dilly-dallied in room C101, making use of the wifi, talking, getting distracted until it was like 11 plus and we HAVE to leave if not the last train would have left.
Okay it was actually Joyce's last night in Korea and since she haven't tried clubbing in KR, she wanted to try and I thought it would be fun also if we could go together with the others but.... Sop and YC didn't want to join us (!!!!) so I was like being quite scared on the inside and a bit don't really want to go already cause like I've never went without them (and JJJ) before what. 
all the way till we were at Hongdae already I was trying to suggest to Joyce that maybe we can like dabao food and beer and sing overnight karaoke instead and talk or something (which till now still sounds like a freaking good idea that I haven't tried yet. anybody wanna try it with me next time~) but lol nope before we knew it we were in front of the club and okay this is the funny part.

We met Sop outside the club and I remember myself still trying to persuade Sop to come in with us but nope her resolve was strong and she just like took our baggage and shoo-ed us in like a mother hen and told us that she would be studying at some cafe and to message her when we're ready to go.
LOLLLLL. This scene is so funny now that I think about it.
Oh and I also remember the bouncer being extra friendly that night and like motioning us in when we were hovering near the entrance. Its like there'll be this queue normally and he'll have a stern face but there wasn't that night cause it was a Tuesday.

Riiiight so whatever happened in the club shall not be elaborated but halfway we came out for some reason and we went to the convenience store where J grabbed a beer and I grabbed a can of this grapefruit makgeolli called Icing that I saw in SG once and wanted to try.
Oh oh before we went to the convenience store we were stopped and couldnt break free for a really long time. (HAHA another interesting story but ask me personally for the details!)

Ya then we went to eat at this roadside stall where the ahjumma was suuuper cute. 
I actually couldn't remember much about what we talked about to the AJM but I remember her trying the Icing and saying how it sucked. lol.
Oh and at the stall this guy sat down to eat and we sorta talked.
He was a vietnamese who lives in Australia and he was really friendly but quite an asshole I have to say.
Okay I can't remember much about our conversation but there was this part where we were talking about Australia and Joyce and I were just saying like how ya we'll visit Australia someday. and he was like oh ya sure, I can be your tourguide when you guys come around blah blah blah or maybe you guys should just stay in your countries *some hand signals* like singapore or korea hahaha.
and when we're parting ways he just said once again how he can be our tourguide in Aussie and we should be friends and all and me (even while being in a semi-gone stage cause of the alcohol) knew he was just trying to bullshit us cause he has no intention to really be friends with us so I just took out my phone on the spot, went to facebook and went like "oh then what's your facebook account?" and he took my phone and after a while returned it while pretending like he couldn't find his account. *rolls eyes*
I mean, excuse me, you're also of Asian origins aren't you?
Why are you even trying to act like you're one level higher just because you're living in Australia?
Ew. and also to my oily face, ew.
 AJM sure knows where to put her hands hahahaha.

Right then a lot of other stuff happpened and at like i think 3 plus (or 4?) I just grabbed Joyce and we grabbed a cab and zoomed back to my dorm.

A photo taken after much discussion about what happened to commemorate this fateful night.
After which Joyce and I tried to silently get her bag from room C101 cause Sop was already asleep and I walked her back out so she can grab a cab back (at that time, a certain somebody still haven't finished packing her luggage and her flight is in a few hours hahahahaha).

I wouldn't really say I've regretted the night hahaha so many things happened and there were a lot of new experiences. I guess it's one of those wild nights that people have while they are still young~
It has only been one year since and I already feel that I'm too old for these hahaha.

Another thing that I wanna say is another apology to Sopㅠㅠㅠ
Cause she waited for us till like 3 plus and we haven't got back to her and there were no trains by then and she had to walk back 2 train stations from Hongdae to Edae alone ㅠㅜ
미안해 ㅜ

3:58 AM
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IU is perfection.

But how her hair can grow so long in a such a short time
(or how she can stuff this ridiculous amount of hair into a short hair wig)
(or how her hair extensions can look so natural)
is a great mystery. 

1:19 AM
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