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today made me realise that, I actually have pretty high expectations for myself.
despite all those "no, i don't like to compete with other people", "it's okay, don't do well then don't do well lor" kind of stuff that i kept saying, deep down i actually kind of didn't expect myself to do that badly. complacency.
things had always come to me fairly easily until this point of my life (or if there was any point that wasn't easy, i'd forgotten about it) so maybe i'd just kind of expected myself to continue to get fairly okay results without me putting in much effort and when i DO decide to put in the effort, my results would be like WOAHHH. BUTTTTT... JC life is really proving me wrong. and somehow it feels that its too late to start working hard now. hmmm.

okay i am really tired.
oh but before i end off, let me put down a part of the book i'm reading now.

"The reason it hurts so much to seperate is because our souls are connected. Maybe they always have been and will be. Maybe we've lived a thousand lives before this one and in each of them we've found each other. And maybe each time, we've been forced apart for the same reasons. That means that this good-bye is both a good-bye for the past ten thousand years and a prelude to what will come.
When i look at you, I see your beauty and grace and know they have grown stronger with every life you've lived. And i know I have spent every life before this one searching for you. Not someone like you, but you, for your soul and mine must always come together. And then, for a reason neither of us understands, we've been forced to say good-bye.
I would love to tell you that everything will work out for us, and i promise to do all that i can to make sure it does. But if we never meet again and this is truly good-bye, I know we will see each other again in another life. we will find each other again, and maybe the stars will have changed, and we will not only love each other in that time, but for all the times we've had before."
The Notebook by Nicholas Sparks

wow, imagine being so connected in terms of fate with this other soul that the both of you just keep meeting each other every life. that is, if you believe in reincarnation and stuff. which i kind of do. its so freaky, yet cool and intriguing.
mind blowing. hahahaha.
we're all really small and kind of insignificant in this world filled with billions of people. and out of this billions of people okay lets not even talk about people in the world. just people in singapore. out of this millions of people, I met you (whoever is reading this now.) How cool is that?

nites pals. Saturday, April 9